One of the things that pisses me off the most when I'm GMing is my inability to express with words what is in my head. A player will ask an NPC a question, and my head will immediately provide a response - actual words most of the time - along with a tone, accompanying actions, and a number of other things. However, when I try to say those things...nothing comes out. I feel awkward, I stutter, I stop, and then I over simplify. The next thing I know a "Why yes, I would be happy to provide those guns for you. Provided of course that you're willing to do something for me" becomes "they agree, but they'd like you to do them a favor in return".
Sure, maybe that's not so horrible - there is a response - but I feel like I'm letting my players down. After all, they're giving me verbatim what they say and how they say it. Some of them even get crazy in character for things - accents, mannerisms, and all. But there I am just kind of phoning it in.
The really weird part about it is that when I'm not GMing - or playing as it happens as a player to - I have like no shame for the things that come out of my mouth. I act like a child, a woman, a man, a grown up, I say crazy and insane things...and none of it phases me. But for some reason that moment when I need to portray my character - be it NPC or PC - and suddenly it is awkward and weird.
It is a problem I've been trying to address, in bits and pieces for years. I think I'm better now than I was a few years ago, but it is still something to go with. Part of that solution is just sucking it up and saying what I think. Preferably before my brain has a chance to edit it to be 'safe' to say.
I suppose my question is, has anyone else had this problem? If so, how'd you get over it? Anyone have anything else about their GMing or Play style that they want to fix? Maybe we have a solution for you.
8 hours ago