A strange thing is happening right now.For the first time, that I can recall anyhow, I find myself jealous when it comes to an in game item for a character that I am done playing. The character didn't even die prematurely, the game came to its natural end and the world has moved on. It is a strange feeling, but the more I think about it the more I am sure that I don't want to see that item, that sword, in the hands of another character in that world. I figure today I'll talk about this, the whys, and maybe see if analyzing it changes my view.
For the record, by the way, jealousy is defined as "an irrational fear of losing something."
The Weapon In Question
The weapon in question was the sword of my previous character Usagi (later Ikoma) Sasayaki. Sasayaki was a hare bushi/duelist and tended to have the more Scorpion mindset of staying quiet, keeping her own desires to herself, and putting the group and particularly her brother first. The sword itself was named Hyourinmaru. It was an awakened Katana, probably closer in power to an artifact sword in D&D than anything in L5R that could create a cone of ice with an attack provided the wielder spent a void point on the attack roll. It was made of a magical liquid metal that combined elements of almost every supernatural thing in Rokugan which also made the weapon count as magic, jade, obsidian, and/or crystal depending on what was needed to get through a particular foes invulnerability. In short, it was a very powerful weapon, but the mechanical power is not the part of the sword that I don't want to lose.
The Significance of Hyourinmaru
Hyourinmaru was significant because it was the first thing that Sasayaki wanted for herself, and felt was hers, enough that she was willing to fight for it.The sword came into being when the group was exploring hidden tunnels deep below a Crab fortress and came across a pool of silvery metal, along with a pair of stone slabs that made a mold of a katana. Sasayaki took it upon herself to get the metal into the mold along with some additional shavings of a jade finger she had, and then put the mold into a strange contraption that looked designed to take the molds. Ancient magics flared to life and the liquid metal was forged into the shape of the mold. The blade was made and Sasayaki collected it. She even went far enough to hilt and sheathe the blade.
Even with that I didn't realize how significant it was to her until when the group was leaving the tunnels the Crab PC made a point of saying "the blade belongs to the Crab because it was found here, but you can hold onto it for now." The PC meant it as a way of not having Sasayaki hassled for the blade while still leaving a claim open should his lord wanted it. For me though, I felt the strongest reaction from the Sasayaki character that I ever felt. Had the Crab tried to take the sword, Sasayaki would have fought, and killed, and likely died over the matter. To her it was her sword and she was the sword's wielder. It was something she was willing to fight and die for. It was something she was willing to deny even to her brother and lord.
The Continuing Story
It wasn't until later that the group disocvered the sword's ice powers. It protected Sasayaki from extreme cold (similar to the advantage Blessings of Osano Wo for cold) and had the cone effect I mentioned before. It made the name Hyourinmaru (which translates to full moon, but more literally translates to "full circle of ice.") The sword represented a lot of how Sasayaki was. Like Ice she was quiet, capable of being extremely cold, and also capable of fantastic destruction. It was definitely a fit.
So Why Jealousy?
Normally this kind of interaction with a sword would have me excited to see the weapon again in another character's hands. It is cool to see that legacy continuing forward and for that aspect, or any aspect really, of a character to continue forward beyond the character.
In this case though Hyourinmaru feels like a part of Sasayaki. Like if someone else had it that they would have a part of Sasayaki and in turn it would be giving up part of my character to someone else. It is small, petit, childish really, but it is also there.
I don't think Hyourinmaru showing up would be a deal breaker or off putting for me. I think I could handle it in game. But I also don't want the sword wielded by anyone but Sasayaki or her reincarnation should/when that happened. Still, this is the first time I've felt this level of attachment to anything a character of mine has possessed. It's definitely a weird feeling, though I suppose also telling of the strength of the game I was in.
How About You?
Have any of you felt similar things to this? What happened? How did it go? Has a piece of equipment ever been so firmly attached to a character that you couldn't see anyone else with it in your head?